It happened Jus the other day......

Truly Fictitious.....

She didn’t like pain. She was never one for those morbid, gory movies. Hell, she watched cartoons all her life! They encouraged her to watch such nonviolent things. She had a panic attack when she first saw her friends break-up .She was one for free, happy living. Do no harm to others, peace, et all.
The first time she met him was at an inter-college competition. When he made his appearance by her side. "You know something? There's nothing more I would like to do now than remove my shoes and my tie and run barefoot on the beach, away from this maddening crowd," she exclaimed.

That was the start of their crazy romance. Between two individuals who shared so much and differed so little. Being with him liberated her. It liberated her from her fears, her insecurities and comforted her in a way no other relationship had before. He was the perfect partner - he mirrored her thoughts, her opinions, likes and dislikes and made up for all her own flaws. They shared a love for food,sports, and writing. They were aggressive, creative, successful and brilliant. Her troubled graduation days, deep complexes and fears drove her to seek success. He was a reflection of her, but without those trappings. He complemented her, strengthened her and completed her.

The journey with him was more like a dizzying, wild ride. They did everything together, everything she had ever dreamed of doing. They had serious discussions under trees on park benches, they made out in dark movie theaters, they rolled with laughter on the worst possible jokes, they exchanged secret, loving glances across rooms; there was no end to the music of their love, to which they alone played the tunes.

She was in love for the first time - wildly, insanely, passionately and completely.

By living in their own sweet world, they were probably a lot happier. One month's up and they were not sure if they were supposed to be happy or sad about that. But in this one month, some things have become standardized - an unfailing routine that makes the adrenaline rush to your brain in the morning and puts you in autopilot for the rest of the day. He was in a black mood when he came to her few days ago. While he was happy to spend time with her without the constant prickling sensation of seconds ticking away to exam time, he seemed to be quite nervous. Very soon the things turned bitter for them.

It is a world of inadequacy. Nothing we do is ever enough. Someone is always ahead of you. Wealthier, smarter, kinder, of superior community, blah blah on and on. You are at best second. Always, if you are first today, history will overtake you tomorrow.

She had been sitting in her room without work, loitering in the walkway, the feeling of wind slapping against her face, nervously hoping she could blend in with the surroundings and he seemed rather sympathetic towards her situation. He looked thoughtful and being insisted a couple of times, he blabbered on about their problems concerning their family, personal life, commitment and finally the words that gritted through his teeth, “I am Sorry” . She looked at him shrinking further and further into the bed, puzzled. She opened and shut her mouth like a fish."But I did not want to," she muttered to herself and tears rolled down her cheeks.
He made suitable sympathetic noises and explained .Looking at him enervated her and she was half torn; she shuddered again and continued looking sad. She seemed to have made up her mind that it was all hopeless- he was crazy and she was determined not to let anyone snatch away that misery.

He told her how much he loved her; she nodded and tried to glare at him at the same time. She stared at him for a long with zillions of things running in her mind and suddenly she knew what had happened. That was wrong. It was all wrong. “You are one of the few people in this world who are genuine, why you doing this to me?” she yawped.
He looked to her in panic. “I wasn’t afraid of fighting for you, I wanted you to be respected by everyone in the family. I didn't want to marry some girl my mother had picked , I didn't want to pretend I had everything in my life when I never had anything I wanted. I didn't want to go through a marriage that would tie me down to the very things I always wished to run away from....,” he vent out his feelings and left the room.

He stared from the side door to her. Back and forth. And made his decision:).
At the end of the day's fuss, she threw herself down on the floor, unmindful of the brown patches on the back of her shorts, gulping water.
Now that one hurdle was crossed, she mulled over the hurdles to come……

Infinitely absurd

Before you race ya mind, wanna let you know that this post has no resemblance to the reality


I dunno if you remember, you once told me you cared. But now I see the truth in your eyes. It always has been like if I was never even there. Now All I hear now is your lies. I felt that you and I were also close but now it seems we've drifted afar. Now your true self shows. You have left me alone with this single scar. You have left me in the cold, all alone and afraid for no reasons of mine.I’ve shed these tears for you though it has never mattered to you. I see you're off with my heart full of pain. For you have made me but a lonely lost soul. All alone with nothing to do, all alone with this pain. There's nothing I could say; I'm slowly dying in vein. Every day since it happened, I have been replaying it in my head. My faith in friendship, trust, and loyalty is dead! Everything that I have spent half my life building has been destroyed. Dreams have been crushed and my sense of self-being has been replaced by hate and vengeance. I've watched you through the bottom of this empty glass -How you've changed. Don't turn around; I don't want you to see this tears. Just leave as quickly as you came; the pain in my eyes is too clear. Make your way toward the door. I’m trying to seem strong; Emotion I'm trying to hide. You brought us here; There's no comfort from having tried. I cannot get close to anyone anymore. And I'll soon be on the mend.

***

Did you ever just sit down with a laptop and have totally no idea what to write about? Well, that seems to be happening to me today. I can think of absolutely nothing to write, but want to write.

Sometimes I have no problem at all, I'll be loitering and all of a sudden I get this idea for an article; I can sit down and bang that out in just a few minutes. Gosh!!, I love those times. Then there are days like today; pissing off, irritating, annoying…. I sit in front of the laptop and stare at that yucky cursor. It just sits there and blinks at me. It's like its taunting me, laughing at me because I have nothing to say. The pressure is unbearable. Blink, Blink, Blink. I suppose I could change it to one of those smiley faces or a chocolate, but then I would have a smiley face or chocolate blinking at me.

Guess it is better to pen down the best ever gift I got last night. Forget about stale old yardsticks from flowers to candy to special brunches. This is a long awaited one. But, really, if there’s no shoving, no tantrums and not even a little trickle of anger, frankly, I’m not interested. If I want to watch a bunch of over-dressed guys being gentlemanly, I’d rather go buy myself a gift from the store with nicest salesmen. At least they have nice plastic smile draped in chivalry drawing some of the real good stuff.

The gift was so thoughtful and unique. It was thoughtful because it made me feel special and made the right impression. Unique coz it is ever-lasting, sentimental and beautiful. Girls love memories and this generous gesture is unmatchable. Incredibly awesome would be an understatement. It reminds me of how much I talk leaving him gazing, shout leaving his ears dangling, crib leaving him snoring, and swear leaving his eyes bulging.

Felt as if It was a powerful set of instincts that were working while selecting the gift, honed by thousands of years of social habit and evolution.That was a perfect recipe of harmony, caring, affection.....

THNX a tonn bud...

A jorney to remember...

Stefan has been somewhat distracted lately by mundane activities of daily living and nagging thoughts. The creative juices have been running a little sluggish and maybe the endless summer heat has been wearing on his nerves. When too much clutter starts polluting his brain, he loses sleep and goes inwards, even more than his usual introverted self.

“Why can't I be one of those disgustingly well-adjusted people who run 10 kms to clear their heads?” he asks himself in dismay.

Clearing his head of internal clutter might need more than this running, but it's a start.In fact, he possess a surprisingly horrible memory and always relied on understanding something inside and out before having any hope of owning that knowledge. Yet, there is so much more to learn and explore and he is not quite sure how and where to find the knowledge he seeks. His insatiable appetite for playing,learning has never ceased. Had there been any competitions, you would find him in the front row, ready for action, guaranteed. Curiosity is something that he is never lacking, and I’ll be the first to admit – he is by no means an expert.

He has been friends with a selective bunch of colleagues at work and Michelle happens to be one of his closest friends.Given his past experiences, I would say this encounter with her really rounded out his perceptions of the Egotist females. While he didn't end up falling as head over heels as everyone thought he might, I would say that he is even more intrigued by her than before.

It was Christmas time and both of them decided to go home for the Halloween.They were supposed to fly down to L.A and board flights to Cincinnati and Boston respectively. They hired a cab to the Airport and after a nice dose of traffic Michelle’s tongue began cramping for a spot of smoothie. Fortunately, they had a spot nearby slotted for a visit called the “Cofi shop”. The “Cofi shop” sits in a mall with not too much outside save their big sign and a one way parking lot. Within, the shop has a very peculiar look with all kinds of well-placed furniture and other interesting pieces. She grabbed a mango smoothie for herself and him a cold coffee. Transporting them without utter destruction was a challenge, especially with those sinister potholes cropping up all over streets lately. He had his coffee via drip, which manifested a bright cup; a good cup but a little bland as well. The coffee was presented with flavor of dark chocolate in front and hints of cream following, but there was also a noticeable amount of bitter char on the end.
The bittersweet chocolate and condensed milk, albeit small hints of bitterness on the back end was amazingly sinful. Her smoothie was loaded with whipped cream, ice cream, crushed ice and blended fresh mangoes to beat the heat.

They reached the airport and she walked out of the cab still putting on her black flats. He carefully held her while she slipped off the floor and her cheeks turned a rosy red color for the second time in less than an hour while talking to him.
They boarded the flight, made themselves comfortable and he attended a call which made her force herself to sleep in the middle of the conversation. Noticing her being cheesed off, he giggled and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. “Sorry I fell asleep, I can remember ending our conversation abruptly," she stifled a yawn and looked at him sheepishly. “I bet it was just the sleepiness talking. Don't worry,” She forced a brighter smile onto her face and continued. He sighed and let it go. He knew that she was feeling pressured and would be back to normal when she was ready. He smiled at her, picked up his fork, piled the bacon, eggs and pancake onto his plate and dug into his food.

She knew that she's had to tell him about what happened sooner or later. She knew that he could sense her unhappiness. It had always been that way. She relaxed again as she dodged his questioning gaze once again. Post snacks Stefan involved her in an interesting conversation about the “Railway engines and the aircrafts”, she reciprocated well too. He liked kids and was cuddling a cutie pie in the neighboring seat. She held his arms, lied on his shoulder and fell asleep. She loved the way he held her, the caress, warmth, affection was almost unmatched. She woke up, rolled out of seat and stretched lazily. Pulling on the towel, he had set out for her; she went to the toilet, washed her face and made her hair.

They pulled out their cabin bags; he carried both of them and got off the plane. They had to spend that night in airport and catch the one early in the morning .They found a place to rest and she dozed off while he playfully ruffled her head and jowls. She lied down with her head on his lap. Only after three hours did she realize that he was still for such a long time inspite of his legs craving for a stretch. She woke up smiling and looping her arm around his. The air was crisp and fresh. The excitement of going home was building as they cleared the check-in and waiting patiently at the lobby. His heart started pounding knowing that in a few more minutes they would be at the security check for their respective flights.

Drawing back her jet black hair, he realized that it was time for her to leave. He wrapped his arms around her, pulled her closer and hugged her deeply. She drew her arms up around his shoulders and put her nose close to his, looked at him with her big eyes .It was tough for them as they were going for a months vacation .She looked over her shoulder towards the door and saw him. She smiled, waved and suddenly walked back towards him. He reached out for her hand as she continued to walk towards him. Her fingers began to touch his as their reach got closer. Before she could finish her sentence he cupped her face and softly kissed her forehead. She turned her head slowly as the kiss melted into the moment.

Derailed....

She was a girl with full of fun,laughter and energy, atleast from what I’ve known of her.It was hard for people not to envy her.Of late I’ve seen that her world was shattered time and again. She carried so much pain inside that her heart broke and could not mend. Her heart bled and cried for tender love. Her body and mind split apart. Terror filled her soul and heart .She shriveled up inside. She was dying inside. She wrapped up the memories and tears tight and safely tuckled them out of the sight. She knew heartache by day and terror by night.She waited for those hands to brush her aching head. She could neither scream nor fight. She hated herself so very much and began to fear everyone.


“The pain is too much to bear, please hold me close and tight,” she pleaded.

She was knocked back down by the caustic statements but she picked herself up all bloodied and wet. She wasn’t strong enough, was hurt again, yet….

Akka, Bava n the trip

It has been more than two weeks since I am in B’lore and I have not reached the expected level of enthusiasm about the planned summer activities. Akka decided to come over for the weekend and I wanted to make the best of the plans. Bava promised to take us to Mysore on Akka’s perennial plea. The morning we were to leave, I woke up at 6:30 A.M in my own bed with Akka sleeping soundly beside me. I tried to wake her up but she continued to snooze.My right foot was stuck to the sheet, and there was a pillow under my left foot. I yanked my foot loose from the sheet, and sat up on the side of the bed while being careful not to drag. Then I tossed the sheet back over her and fell asleep again. There was someone at the door and only then did I realize that it was 8 A.M and Bava was all geared up for the trip. In no time we got ready, stuffing bava’s backpack with Chocolates, Camera, hair brush (I wish there was Gatorade and granola bars).

Here we are fashionably dressed for the trip. But the white Capri accentuated my burnt leg.
We are seated in the car and waiting for the chauffer to start. Excited talking about what lays ahead for us. We picked up Akbar on our way. Bava, sitting on the couch with tightly laced sneakers on his feet doesn’t seem to be as excited as we were. It was 10:30 in the morning when my stomach began to growl and complains of emptiness. There’s a MTR hotel on the corner of the street. I thought I would break into the hotel, but my stride was smooth as yogurt without the fruit.

After a sumptuous B’fast, we set off to Tippu’s Tomb. When I stepped out of the car, the summer heat enveloped me in an inferno. They say it's a dry heat, but when it gets to 40 degrees it's just plain fucking hot. If you have never been to Mysore in the summer let me help you understand what it feels like. First preheat your oven to 450 degrees. Next open the door and place a small powerful fan directly in front of the oven blowing outward. Take off all your clothes while standing in front of the fan, and rub your exposed skin with sandpaper. (Atleast this is how I felt).Welcome to Mysore!!

Akka seemed to avert her downward gaze as she passed just as Bava tried to move his own eyes elsewhere, anywhere, back to the shimmering walls but the sun didn’t seem resting. A pure smile is what they exchanged. As it got hotter we have decided to get out of there.

As per our chauffer’s suggestion, we have been to the so called “The-Best” restaurant. A middle-aged, curly-haired steward slid open the door. "Can I help you?" he asked. He barely noticed the first few that passed him. An elegant middle aged woman with long brown hair appeared from the hallway, and glanced in my direction. I didn’t heed as the aromas of baked bread, fresh sliced meats, and bleach surround me. Akbar and Akka seemed to be busy with the pretty-yellow flowers on the table (oh eh they were playing the fool around). Bava wasn’t seen in the vicinity of our eye-sight. He just had a mouthful of the grilled fish and left to the waiting area.

Two black leather sofas were pressed against the wall of the tiny waiting area. The walls were a light shade of yellow, and the color scheme made bava feel nauseous. Psychotic patients must feel right at home. He started to sweat profusely, and he was. As perspiration trickles down the side of his face, he was fine after he has thrown up.

Shopping mode kicks in. Akbar and Akka have been to the local internet café to book air tickets. We are off to the local shops. Important need is a gift for Akka. Underlying need – there must be a sale that is pleading to us. “We have just what you need and at the perfect price.” said the shopkeeper of the handicrafts shop pointing towards a beautifully carved dining table. Bava was so carried away with the deal and the table that he was almost ready to shell out 50 grands and get the table. It took lot of effort to hold him back from doing so. After an hour’s search for the gift, we finally manage to get a sandal bookmark and an idol of Lord Ganapati for Akka, wrapped up in the finest of the wrappers available.

We then left to the palace. Huuuuugggeeeeee!!!! hottttttttttttt!!! Is all that could say about the palace and the climate respectively. There were many small local stores around the palace.

What happens when the need is a Gooseberry? You know the kind in those small bins. Bright neon yellows. The kind that taste sweetish-sour. Have the potential to damage on their own accord. Did need play a part in this purchase? Bava thought the smirk on my face made the purchase essential, but postponed.
A zillion thoughts crossed my mind; I’ve never been this way before. Don’t give me flak for them. Felt like a big truckload of shit. Bava could smell that things weren’t the same and kept asking me the reason.

“For your information I’ve been incredibly perfect…..”

“Screw you, I’m the normal one and you’re the freak.”

I could say the former to him but wished to say the latter. The waiting game begins. There is consistency with inconsistency. Bava began the mental exercise during the few blocks it took to walk to the car. The weary anticipation the same on this day as it was when we had a tiff. Akbar drew back, grinning and not in the least bothered. We rushed through Chamundi hills and Nandi hills as Akka had to board the flight @ 10 P.M.

On our way back, lowering sun, full and hot on Bava’s face working in perfect concert with the cool evening breeze crossing him from the side and he felt the warm surge of confidence men feel when they know their goal can be hard. He admired himself and the changes he had made these past few days.
Sitting in the car, I furiously picked up my phone and started calling my friends. He glanced up and seemed to be mildly annoyed by my long duration phone calls. I apologized for interrupting his busy evening.

The traffic on the highway was light at 6:30 in the evening which allowed the chauffer to put the pedal to the floor of the car. Upon reaching cruising speed of 100kmph the valves were making a clattering noise and in less than five minutes it started raining cats and dogs.
Owing to the traffic the chauffer drove very slowly, he kept getting phone calls or messages.

As it was getting late, Akka turned to Bava in complete panic. “Adaptability is crucial” said Bava holding Akka in his arms.
“Make the phone call to Customer care and talk about the ticket” said Bava. A couple of calls got disconnected and another pointlessly frustrating phone call with the customer care guy, pulling huge bills from his pocket with each minute….. "Poof". Akka has lived this rollercoaster on more than one occasion. Finally we could manage to defer the ticket. Thanks to Akbar’s charming smile and cool even in that state of panic which was a like an ice cream on a hot brownie
We have to make a stop at the pharmacy. Akbar and I were passengers on this trip. We needed nothing. This struggle elicits giggles. So now we had giggles, a cancelled flight ticket, a deferred flight ticket, two men and two females – neither more skilled than the other.

We are oblivious to any onlookers. The clumsiness we share has been established in other situations.
Best bet just join the giggling and become part of the rolling mess.
Akka and Bava are a combustible combination.
At last we settled into our seats. Perhaps embarrassment should have taken over. There is this common bond we have that says, "These kinds of things happen to me all the time". The shared knowledge dismisses any unpleasant thoughts and we focus on the delights of the trip.
The much-anticipated trip must come to an end. It is time for us to head to MarthaHalli, return to our respective homes and live life, as we know it. We promise this will be the first of many more to come. We are dropped off at the apartment.

Will YOU BE MINE?

It was a bright sunny day; I’ve gotten the first three quarters of the day relatively well. Late in the evening, I was sitting in a small café, with a batchie, who was also a very good friend. I was enjoying freshly brewed coffee, enjoying the crisp summer air. We were laughing at the usual predictable college gossip that is inevitably found in any college. My dear friend had recently left her abusive boy-friend and seemed quite satisfied with her painstaking decision.

Then an infectious smile attracted my attention. It was a laugh from a girl I had never laid my curious eyes on before, but she seemed so familiar to me. My intuition made me slowly look up to capture the being of this girl. She looked at me, wrinkled her nose and tightened her ponytail uncomfortably. I just smiled to myself and in no time I’ve seen her going out with a friend of mine. I pitied her as she deserved someone much better (atleast I thought so). Inspite of she being my friend’s girl, hardly did we talk except for exchange of smiles which didn’t last longer too. They were going steady and they didn't really care what the students thought of them.

*****

After a couple of years we happen to scrap each other on FB followed by exchange of phone numbers which was just for the sake of formality. It then came to my notice that she broke up with that friend of mine. I thought that she was far too sweet to be alone all the time. I tried to recall the last time she spoke to me, if ever she has. No memory. No flashbacks. No nothing. Where on Earth could I be?
After speaking a couple of times, she suddenly vanished and I didn’t bother much as I expected it to happen so, remembering the past where she seldom spoke to me for a longer time

*****

It was a Monday afternoon, we were breaking for lunch, and everyone was all but stampeding towards the cafeteria to get the warmest food. It was unbelievable how fast people could go when they were hungry. My phone rang, displayed an unknown number and I reluctantly picked up the call as I was exhausted with the typical Monday schedule. Yeah, it is her again! We hardly had anything to talk about and there was silence which didn't last long enough for us to completely wind down. We spent hours together on calls and could not do away without talking to her. Learning to enjoy the conversations and not want for more was incredibly hard for me. But I knew that was being greedy. We have finally decided to meet up and I’ve made the best plans ever, but was not lucky enough to make things happen. Was upset and pressed myself more under the thick blanket but could not help it. She promised to meet me after two months but I had my own apprehensions (which were quite obvious).
Finally the day arrived; I was all geared up to meet her, the long awaited moment. For a second I stopped breathing. A gasp of air was stolen from my lungs, from my soul. A loss of a moment, a breath, that would stay embedded in my memory forever. There she was. My eyes were smitten, intensely satisfied, like a child finally receiving a lollypop, after craving the pure sweet sugar sensation all day. My tongue automatically went to lick my lips as they had instantly become dry, a lack of saliva of no account of her own.

She was talking to her companion. They were engrossed in a deep and thoughtful conversation. This stranger, was casually dressed, in a crisp and clean blue shirt, and from what I could see smart denim jeans. Not anyone I would look at twice. But he had distinct features, his hair was jet black, his eyes mysterious and she did not seem comfortable with the conversation she had with him. She came to me shook her hand; I had a glint of mischievous childish joy.
Her lips were pure and soft that I imagine would only sing sweet lullabies to her lover. A lover surely would cherish and adore her. I could not help but stare into her eyes. They were a passageway to her soul.

A soul that could never have known me, but which created an instant yearning in the pit of my stomach. I felt nauseous. I felt uneasy. I felt vulnerable. “Do I like her? Does she like me? No she doesn’t,” I asked myself perplexed.
Then I noted that she looked directly at me, her brilliant black eyes were looking me up and down. It created a sense of absolute familiarity and discomfort. Her stare felt like a piercing sword, thrusting through my heart in one single violent blow. A smile beamed across her incredibly pretty face. She was caught in mid sentence, for she too had lost his train of thought. I viewed her, as if we were past lovers. Her eyes had a distinct knowing.

It was a knowing that startled me, I was never like this before but this girl’s energy destroyed all that was familiar to me. It was peculiar. The sensation that she created in me, forced me to question my future. I knew that in her past, trust and love had been very torturous and unhappy paths and didn’t want her to go through the same again. After having thought enough, one evening I went on my knees

"Will YOU BE MINE?”

I whispered these words to her as I softly caressed the hair off her face. I stared deeply into her eyes, into her soul, as a tear slowly trailed down her cheek. I kissed her tear away.
She had been buried in darkness not wanting to let anyone love her, but I guess, I found a way in. I am almost there, just waiting for the right key to open it.
But fear set in. Would this love stay? It would always remain in my heart. I do not know the answer to this question. All I do is to plead with the universe, “please let her stay a little longer. Let me enjoy her company a little longer.”

Those fear memories had not gone away

I was running back and forth through traffic, the bitches chasing me from either side, and oh no, this bus is headed the wrong way and it’s past midnight, and there I am a cowardly third-grader looking at them taking him away, no, please, not again!.Then I hear a voice from behind “Please get this into the stupid head of yours, I’ll be back, and they mean absolutely nothing to me …..blah blah blah…..” And i screamed, thrashed and wanted to wake up.

Ugh!! The most frightening nightmare! I tried to run away from it and closed all my doors, but it seemed getting in from windows. So, I locked my windows and rendered myself in my room, but with every second it slashed at my ear drums through the tick tick tick of wall clock…...

Some of us suffer from nightmares crippling and persistent enough to demand treatment. I am sure, we all know how bad a nightmare feels, how it surrounds you and surges up to drown you and makes your teeth fall out in chunks and gives you leukemia. Usually the nightmares are easily reactivated by the recent trauma, and just as readily twisted into the basis of a repetitive nightmare. I wish there could be some alternatives to these haunting bitches, swinging blades and frozen fear, for the nightmares to abate and the man to regain his footing.

Undoubtedly bad dreams are a universal human experience. Sometimes they are scary enough to jolt the slumbered awake, in which case they meet the formal definition of nightmares — bad dreams that wake you up. At other times, they are even worse. The sleeper thinks it is over, only to step into the nested nightmare, the chapter 2. Whatever the particulars of the plot, researchers say, nightmares and dreadful dreams offer potentially telling clues into the larger mystery of why we dream in the first place, how our dreaming and waking lives may intersect and cross-infect each other, and, most baffling of all, how we manage to construct a virtual reality in our skull, a seemingly life-size, multidimensional, sensorily rich nocturnal roundhouse staffed with characters so persuasive you want to ... strangle them, before they can strangle you. Whether research subjects keep dream journals at home or sleep in research labs and are periodically awoken out of rapid eye movement-- the stage most often associated with dreaming — the results are the same: about three-quarters of the emotions described are negative.

We are ridiculously industrious dreamers, spending 60 to 70 percent of somnolence dreaming or in a dreamlike state, which works out to three hours nightly spent in a state of anxiety or frustration as we show up late for tests or walk barefoot over broken glass because our shoes have melted. Even bona fide nightmares are more common than most of us realize. Ask people to recall spontaneously how many nightmares they had in the last year, and they might say one or two, ask them to keep a dream diary, and they will report nightmares once or twice a month. Some say nightmares may be related to women’s comparatively higher rates of anxiety and mood disorders. But whatever might be the reason behind, nightmares take the breath outta you……

Cowz n Bullz

"You got to have friends to make that day last long," sings Bette Midler but @ IIM HEL (L) u gotta have a good neighbor to make that day last long ;). And I claim myself lucky to have one such goodie goodie neighbor, Vip. It is on the record that my neighbor (read good neighbor) has put up with me for the past 3 terms:P.

In today’s fast food culture, we want it quick, sharp and now. And a very amusing thing about our way of living is our ingenious methods of filling time, known by a typical Indianism called “time-pass”. A quick time pass can be anything from the tasty snackette of the flash game on mobile, through to a full meaty meal that is closer to a game of “Cowz n Bullz”. I see a collection of these as a smorgasbord of delights.

The lectures @ our school are long and tedious and the profs don’t let you sit in peace. There is nothing sacrosanct about the break between the lectures and thus we make sure to make up for it during the lectures. Like any other day me n my neighbor were busy playing Cowz n bullz. Not that we weren’t paying attention to the lecture, we mastered the art of multi tasking by then :D (I ain’t a braggart :P).

Suddenly something struck my mind. An image flashed and then it was persistent in my eyes. Bingo!! Eh u right, the moron prof of ours caught us playing. He is intelligent I say. He pretended to create a snapshot world, to address some really ‘big’ issues in an upfront manner. His voice is something that sounds like vacuum, piercing your ears. It was almost frenzied, nail biting anticipation. When asked for an explanation, I decided to play it serious. I said so nonchalantly "We aren’t playing, we were discussing the subject-LAAA…” But hold it. He was no ninny to believe it. I bet I would have seemed to be a raconteur at that juncture. But he was comfortably numb, I looked and tried to reconcile myself as if nothing happened.

Sometimes there are obvious reasons for whom the bell tolls. Other times these hardships and heartaches show up at the most illogical doorstep. The question, “Why do you think it happened?” is the best answer you can give a person who approaches you with, “Why me?” Oh eh! This is exactly what I encountered when I asked a couple of my frenz.

The fruits of this labor are obvious: We ended up getting second lowest marks in the class despite of doing pretty decent in the exams. Never ever did I even remotely think that cowz n Bullz could turn out to be so expensive ;)

Iz jus a Li’l CRUSH!!

Liza was going to the same school as Mike. They met on the first day of the school, he was devastatingly handsome. Her heart skipped a beat when he sat down in her section.

"Hi," she croaked. He looked up surprised.
"Hello," he said.
She almost fainted. His voice was just as angelic as he looked. He had gorgeous black eyes, black hair, and a silky smooth face without a trace of stubble. Stop staring! She tried to turn her eyes away from his perfect profile and focused on his bright blue shirt. She loved men in formals.

"Nice shirt," she said. Her face flushed as soon as the words left her lips.
He chuckled. "Thanks."

"Be cool, be cool, be cool. He's too perfect," she said disappointingly. For some reason they didn’t talk much, all they did was say Hi to each other.
Days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months and it was time for the term to end.
"If you don't hit on him, I will," her friend said and smirked. She bit her lip. She looked into his eyes she wants to tell him that she like him but she could not.

She spent that night curled up in front of the television and watched re-runs of "Friends" and killing half a bottle of gin. She wasn't an alcoholic by any means. She knew her limit and it had not yet been tickled. She then stepped into the shower and let the hot water wash over her. Later on she crashed and was haunted by a voice “You have to start dating again before you're old and ugly!”
She slowly stirred on the couch and opened her eyes. "Awww!!," she moaned. She rubbed her eyes then ran to the bathroom. She was already running late for school and it was going to be a long day.

She was all excited to see him and just could not take her eyes off him. He stared back at her unphased then took his cell phone out of his bag. He called someone really quickly and said something in French. Then, he got up and walked out the door without a glance back in her direction. Her body flamed. She knew that she didn't look her best today but that was pretty harsh. She controlled her breathing, and then went to the bathroom to splash some cold water on her face.

As the graduation day for the seniors arrived it is time to decide the partners for the Prom and it was a random allocation. Lisa and Mike happened to be the partners. Knowing this, she shrieked with excitement, her hangover long forgotten.
When the night finally arrived, she pulled out an old "little black dress" from the back of her closet and threw on a pair of pantyhose. She recruited stylist to do her hair and makeup which ended up looking fabulous.

He came to pick her up and greeted her with a hug. She froze in awe. “Looking pretty sweetie”, He said and smiled a hypnotizing smile. It was cheesy but she was impressed. She then nervously blabbered smiling to herself.

"Look at you! You can't stop smiling!” he said. She blushed and bit her lip, trying to hide her grin. She failed though.
She then got into the car and scrambled through the magazines until he started off the conversation.

"I was going to call you earlier but some personal business came up," he sounded stressed.

Lisa was being her usual dramatic self. Apparently, she was oblivious to this though.
They finally reached the prom. It got quieter in the ballroom with their arrival and she noticed a few eyes turn her way. Her face burned. In the backseat was an immaculate looking young woman (Wendy). She was on her cell phone. She seemed to be arguing with whoever was on the other end. Lisa couldn't help staring at her.
Suddenly she noticed people guzzle the beer and looked around to find him.
He was already on it, filling two martini glasses with deliciousness. She grabbed one and took a sip.

"And who's this cutie?" Wendy asked referring to Lisa. Lisa’s polite smile dimmed slightly. She was not aware of the sarcasm in it.

Wendy bear hugged Mike and he could not let go off her arms.

Lisa raised a perfectly arched eyebrow, walked away and grimaced. If he didn't think she was whacked out earlier, he definitely knew it then. She was so embarrassed, she didn't go back to check on him until he was finished.
"My jaw dropped," He sighed.

He managed to get to where Lisa was and told her that she is her ex-Girl friend who dumped him. “She is a bitch but i am just trying to be nice to her,” he said.
“I think I get the gist of the story," she said sickened. What a snob, she thought.
After the not so very great party, they were on their way and Mike decided to sit by the waterfront for a while.

“How you liked the place?” he asked."Well," She responded coyly, "she doesn’t really know where to start."His eyes fixated on her. His hair gleamed under the streetlight and he looked even more angelic, she muttered to herself. She just started off asking if he is seeing someone lately. There was silence in the air. A conversation like that was worth putting off. The curiosity was killing her. He chuckled then and thought seriously.

"When I saw you in the school," he began, "it was like...like you made everything brighter, enchanting, almost. I thought, wow, I have to meet this girl."
She was awestruck. No one has ever called her enchanting.

They silently sipped their coffee for a while, taking in their surroundings. Couples hand in hand and googly-eyed walked past them. It was a romanticist's dream.
They talked most of the night. Time flew by and before they knew it, there were only a few couples left at the waterfront watching the bonfires dim.

"We better get going," She said disappointingly. "I'm sure you have a busy day ahead of you tomorrow."
"Tomorrow's Sunday," he smiled.
"Oh, right," she stammered.

She told him about her family. She was an only child. “My parents weren't bad people, just old-fashioned,” she said.
He dropped her off right by the car, again running around to open the door. She stepped out carefully and stood in front of him.

Would he kiss me? Should I hug him? Peck him on the cheek? She panicked.
"I had a great time," he said.
She smiled and looked up at him.
Slowly, he leaned down. She closed her eyes. Then, she felt his warm lips press softly against hers. Time stopped and she was completely captivated. It was the perfect kiss.

She waited until she saw his headlights disappear before she screamed in delight .Her knees almost buckled! She turned away quickly and walked into the room to calm herself down.

Next day she woke up completely refreshed and Mike immediately popped in her head. He looked amazing last night. She couldn't wait to see him again.
She stretched her arms and yawned, satisfied.

He is just not that into you....

On Women’s day, herez Something for all the women and may be for the men who are a sport :P....

We all wish we could have that fairy tale relationship, where we indeed live happily ever after. One of the biggest problems with relationships is it takes time to determine if it’s real or not. Your view on the relationship may not necessarily be the same view as the man you’re going out with. You may be in love and for him it may be a simple case of lust or an opportunity to take advantage of you.
I say that you should never give your heart to anyone who has not earned it. I stand behind those words. If you are not careful you could find yourself giving away much more than just your heart to the wrong guy.

We all know that the heart can be broken and over time it will heal. However, women have been known to allow the wrong men to put them into bankruptcy or worse positions. This type of situation can take a longer time to heal and can cause headaches for years to come. Long after you rid yourself of his sorry ass, you’ll still have to deal with his aftermath. So why don’t we take a close look at “How to know if he’s just using you”, hopefully this will keep some of you safe at least from men who just want to take advantage of you.

To begin with all relationships should be 50/50. That to me says that whatever you do for him, he should not only be willing, but capable of doing the same for you. That covers everything from bringing you lunch at work if you cannot leave your desk because you’re so busy. Women do this for men all the time and think nothing of diving across town to take your man something to eat. However, how many of you ladies have a man that does that for you? Not just in the beginning of the relationship when he was trying to impress you with kindness, but now ten months later?

He constantly tells you that he doesn’t have time but his cell phone is always on. However, if it does get turned off, he conveniently shows up at your house and after a marathon love making session he talks you and explains it to you the reasons why he couldn’t call you. However, this type of guy always makes plans to spend time with you and for whatever reason he calls to tell you he cannot make it, or that he fell asleep or some other lame excuse. . This is the so called ONE who stops by once a week or so with a million and one excuse about why he hasn’t been by or called you. After telling you another lie, his charm and smile disarm you and sweet talk you into bed yet once again. Once he’s done because he damn sure doesn’t care if it’s satisfying for you, he’ll tell you another good lie, promising to call you when he gets home (which he won’t) or he’ll come take you some where tomorrow (another good lie). Hey, but what does he care? He got what he came for and he knows that you’ll be angry for a few days when he doesn’t show up or call you. But you’ll be happy when he pops up again and forget why you were mad in the first place. He’ll continue to make you feel good with his great story telling, talk you into bed again and be off to who knows where. When you really get mad at him he’ll concede and maybe take you to a movie or McDonald’s. Then it’s back to your place to hit the sack and then he’s gone again. This pattern will continue until you put a stop to it by replacing him in his absence.

If he doesn’t open doors for you, carry things for you, fix things for you, consistently make sure you’re satisfied both in and out of bed, chances are he’s really not in love with you even though he says that he loves you. If you are not his first priority then he is not in love with you. However that doesn’t mean you cannot get there, it just means that there is a chance that when he does reach this point, you may no longer be in love with him. Life is funny this way; we generally discover we are in love with someone when it’s too late. Love is consistency, it’s not whenever we choose, it always or not at all.

Women have the same needs, wants and desires as men do. Unfortunately men are able to separate sex and love in their minds. For men sex at times is simply a release an enjoyable one at that and to be honest at times it doesn’t matter if it’s you or your girlfriend that assists in him obtaining that release. Having sex with a man will not make him love you, and women have been falling for this trick for centuries. He loves with his head first (the one on his shoulders) and his heart second. If he see an opportunity to have sex with you because you have made it known that you really like him, he may take the opportunity to achieve a release but in the end that’s all it is. What most women fail to understand is that when you make yourself readily available to the whims of a man you fancy he cannot respect you because his real fear is that he is not the first or the last that you’ve slept with simply because you thought you liked the way he looked or carried himself.

To forgive is divine. To continue forgiving when the pattern of lying, cheating, stealing and abuse does not change is insane. However, there is a point we need to realize that they will not change and the situation for us to continue to forgive is becoming unhealthy. Each situation is different, but we as adults need to be able to look at our mates actions and grade them honestly. If the future looks more like the past then it’s time to move on. Spending your nights laying in bed crying yourself to sleep, or being unable to eat because of the actions of someone whom professes their love for you is not worth the heartache you suffer.

As women you are always going to be known as being caring, trusting, understanding creatures. There is nothing that says that you cannot also be safety conscience. Protect yourself and make dating a good experience even when it fails, learn something from each and every man you go out with so you never make the same mistake twice. History is filled with stories of women whom have fallen victim to men who have used them into the poor house. I’m sure some of you know firsthand of stories of lies and deceit that ended in tragedy. Be careful and protect yourself. Always remember this, “if it seems like he’s using you, and you feel like he’s using you. You’re being used!” Save yourself the headaches and drama and seek out adult relationships with men, not boys. Men who are capable of taking care of you on the same level you will take care of him.

Don’t waste your precious time on anyone whom cannot take care of himself or refuses to take care of you. If you feel you need to have someone around you at all times and you hate being alone, get a cat or a dog for company. Dogs are great; they could teach men a lot about what all women deserve, unconditional love!

HICCUPS!!

Many a times we come cross woman and a man who have turned their backs on one another in anger. The man stands with has his arms crossed over his chest, scowling and looking very stubborn. The seated woman seems more upset than angry. This is an obvious case of conflict. It can represent a disagreement, an argument, a misunderstanding, a clash, a difference of opinion, not seeing eye-to-eye, and opposing points of view. There’s also an obvious lack of communication showing in this, so I’d say it can also represent a standoff, holding out until one’s needs or desires are met, giving or getting the cold shoulder treatment, or a reluctance to talk things out to resolve a situation. I bet this would have happened with almost everyone around. And eh I myself is one among them too :)

Usually I share with my close friends many other things about myself like who I really am and how different I am from the first impression the world makes of me. I wouldn’t say it unless I mean it.I have always made myself clear as much as possible and people still misunderstood me! And that’s why I am sitting here all by myself, writing and wiping away the teardrops falling from my eyes on my lappy. It’s unbelievable how a misunderstanding that is worth not even a speck of dirt from my shoe could wipe off a broad and blushing smile that was worth the titanic. I don’t see why I have to go through these sorrowful moments in life when I don’t even know why I’m here? Living a life! Am I here to make guys get misunderstood? Am I here to bear the loss of friends and all the misery in the world? Why am I here? And then what surprises me even more is that God made survival a human instinct! So, that makes me scared of death!

I wish wishes came true! Then I would be with my someone and have all I want! You know, it’s a nice thought and it brings a half smile on my face (one of those that Mona Lisa has?) But, it brings me back to reality. I tried avoiding tiffs and still went through it. It wasn’t my fault even! Just a little misunderstanding.

Misunderstandings always break things.

My friends and I don’t get enough time to spend together. Now I have more reasons to cry. I got up this morning with a smile. One of those charming, broad, blushing smiles that go from one cheek bone, all around your forehead to the other! And all it took to rub it off was a misunderstanding? It reminds me of John Newton’s famous line, “I once was lost but now I’m found,”And to top it all, I’m just supposed to cry myself to sleep! I’m supposed to be proactive. I am not supposed to rub off my bad mood on others! I feel like running away to a far off land where people are considerate. Where people are nice. Where I’ll find my clone.

Some day I will look back and say…”whoa… I had a great life”. I don’t know if others get that feeling of security! But, I don’t and I want to.
I would like to quote few lines of Collins’ misunderstanding which aptly describes the latest misunderstanding I had with one of my friends

“Well I'd been waiting for this weekend,
I thought that maybe we could see a show,
Never dreamed I'd have this feeling,
But seeing you is believing,
That's why I don't know why,
You didn't show up that night,
There must be some misunderstanding,
There must be some kind of mistake,
I was waiting in the rain for hours,
You were late” –Phill Collins

People would ask “what help does sitting all by yourself and brooding away do?” I don’t know… it helps me calm down. But, you know what? I’d rather not calm down. When I calm down, I feel weak. Like I had lost in the battle of life and I am not weak! I am not weak. In fact I’m strong. I’m taking the load of something I didn’t mean to happen. That’s why I am sitting all by myself and brooding away. I wish I could just lie down and let the stars and the moon suck out all the pain like a suction pump that sucks out all the dirt from the hole in the sink. And when I’d get up, I’d be happy, serene, calm, satisfied and have that feeling of wanting to live life even without a purpose. I could wish all I want, but t won’t happen. I could dream all I want, but that misunderstanding will still not go away. It will linger around me like a fly around a candle. And me? I will burn, burn all my anger out. How? By living my unfair life!

Little Frivolous thingies….

When I was a kid, friendship was about finally getting that one toy I've wanted all year long from a friend. When I grew older, it was about finally getting that one big item that I've been craving for since all season. Now that I'm a bit older and (hopefully) wiser, I'm beginning to think that maybe that perfect gift is not about getting that big ticket item, but about getting that little frivolous something that will make you smile and not turn you off. When I say frivolous, I do not mean something completely useless. It has got to be something that little something that I've been meaning.

If I had to name few things (read frivolous things…) that turn me off, the list would comprise of lies, duplicity, failing to keeping up the word….. oh! eh, at times they are seamlessly interwoven. I am highly sensitive to these and seem to be carrying a heavier burden, might be just because of my perspective which is developed every day from a laundry list of sources. What makes these elements so sensitive is that everyone is guaranteed to explode into a major argument when questioned. Trust me I did experience this many a times…

To quote one , Of late X says “I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear.”
Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what X was really thinking at the time. Lies and plethora of them huh!! Guess what X was also bemoaning his inability to remember the promises (promises as simple as a treat, movie etc) he made. Ugh!!! Keeping up the promise might be tough but not remembering them is half a promise broken. Heights of duplicity, Boy!! I am nonexistent the rest of the time X is with his friends. Yep! these small things do matter a lot for me(I’M NOT ADVERTISING, this is an integral part of my story!).

My thoughts wandered. I waited for things to change….. bt…Stupid clumsy me.

Emotional atyachaar

I’ve always been lucky to have great friends and good personal relationships all my life. Thanks to all those who’ve put up with my mood swings, tantrums, emotionsz... I ponder as to Wut these emotions actually are??

We often hear people saying “Don’t Give Them Emotional Control Over You”. Some people are under the assumption that your emotions come from your thoughts. That would be wrong. It is a bit more involved than that. It’s not just what we think about or put our attention on that determines our emotions. Contrary to some current self-help philosophy, your emotions don’t come just from your thoughts. Ever listen to a comedian tell a tragic story in a funny way? Comedians can talk about their relationship breakups, economic collapse, and war, in a way that makes us laugh about it. They get us to think about tragedies and laugh with joyful emotions about them. There is obviously something more than thoughts or subject matter to creating emotions. Something in their point of view affects the emotions we create.

I’d begin with the obvious that people often overlook. You create your emotions. I say this is overlooked because people often say or think things like, “He makes me angry,” “That is sad,” or “He makes me cry.” Listen to this type of talk, and it sounds like other people and circumstances are creating your emotions. There is no mention of you being responsible for any part of the process. Believing these kinds of thoughts or comments causes us to overlook our role in creating emotions.
If someone is angry and scolds us we might feel fear or guilt. Fear and guilt are our reactions to them and their expression of anger. If they were making us feel emotions, we’d feel their anger. We don’t. We feel the emotions we create as a reaction to them. For the most part we generate our emotions, and then we feel them. There are emotions that we can feel that are not created by us, but this is a small percentage and best dealt with later. If you intend to change your emotional state, emotional reactions, and develop more happiness in your life, you will have to develop skills in changing point of view and recovering your faith from your false beliefs.

(I know what must be running through your mind after reading this….. yep!!… “Look whoz talking” ain’t it?? Like all of us know it is easier said than done ;) n eh wuz wrong in saying :))

RAINBOW MAGIC

I know that, this isn’t a gripe log where you blow off steam or a martyr book in which you write down all the reasons you’re going to heaven for being a saint :)...bt cunt help it

In ma initials days at Luck’ NO, It sounded like everyone was doing so many great things, and it was awesome to see! For some reason I was facing some slight slowdowns and discouragement, but I knew that everyone was pushing to make things happen. It was with great amount of disappointment and a greater sense to act that I left Hyderabad. I had some very intense and exhausting days during Hoax @ college. It was hard not to be a pessimist about my future. I felt that I was well on the road to disaster.
One day I get a frenz request on gtalk and I did accept it coz the ID had something to do with IIML.In a couple of days the person-Globe asks me to join his team. (Thought hez talkin some crap!! Coz it didn’t make much sense to me).I was beginning to feel as if i had some loose ends. He did talk about his team winning last year….blah blah…I was excited, yet the tiniest bit of my heart had some issues with it.
Then we did meet up for the first time during the insti party followed the induction party @Mint. This is where i happened to meet the entire team. It was a decent party; don’t claim it to be a great one coz topics discussed made me sound like a broken record. Still managed to get along well with the crowd.
It is that evening when BB(named so for convenience) added me on his gtalk n v did chat for a while....(jus the whereabouts.....din’t even expect to talk much tho).Before i could realise,Very soon we started talking as he did give good summary of the issues on campus and offered a few suggestions about how to deal with it. Sometimes it takes a bit more than what is expected to make a change. And yes both Globe and BB had it all to make the change.
They made me realize that a B-school student who doesn’t find the work stressful is a rare bird. I was reluctant to listen to any of the gyaan they gave. This shouldn’t be hard, but a lot of people find it so. And i was one such; maybe it’s just human nature. If you don’t know the answer to a question, it’s sometimes easy to forget that other people do know.
'A friend in need, is a friend indeed' is a popular saying, implying that people become friends when they need something from you. Whilst this can indeed be true, the reverse is also significant. When you are in need, then you find out who are your real friends. They became moi true,real and goodie goodie friends .There was no looking back from then and we had real good times, fun-filled talks, walks, Globu’s globe, BB’s stories.....amazing.... We became the 3 musketeers.
Before we could even think of it, an year passed by (read academic year:)) n the time has come for them to leave. Thought we were on the high road but no doubt there will be more twists and turns. That was the only day that BB got chockis 4 me (jus cunt stop capturing the pic).... Globu like always globed to his glory and then in a while they drove out of my sight.:(

Is it over??

Before i start this is just somthing i'm writing about how i feel on something that just happened. Don't be nosey by asking why. If you're gonna critize, then don't...

I was sitting there a li’l while ago listening to our fuss, fight and explanation. Farewell night was supposed to be a no-miss thingie, but we ruined it acting like fools. The night seemed so calm before it came to past. The fresh feel of freedom throughout the air.Now the air seeps into my body like poison. If I didn't have to i wouldn't breathe.Who was right, who was wrong? Guess! it doesn't really matter. Because the way the game was played, everyone was gonna lose :(. The mood is cold, regretful and selfish. Silence is all to be heard. For now it has stop, leaving us feeling like tattered rag-dolls, but that doesn't mean it's over??

Black , White n shades of grey

Was talking to a friend of mine a li’l while ago and he is crying his heart out as his GF dumped him (he claims it to be so ;) ) . He kept on saying that gals are b*****s
Huh!!

Why do women who have good men...cheat on them....and women who have bad men...usually more often than not...stay with them? People have been asking this age old question...well, for ages! The problem is much more complex that we could ever imagine.

From Clues to Uncover a Cheater’s Heart, Everybody Cheats or is it just women? Just as many men betray as women, but they don’t get caught notes more. "Men are much better liars and they have a plan. They’re just much more crafti ;).This is an honest opinion n trust me I ain’t being prejudice.

U a WEIRDO??

Do you often catch yourself not laughing at something the rest of your group finds funny? Are you not able to conjure up laughter from friends and colleagues at the workplace, college, school etc? There could be something wrong with your sense of humor. It's too early to conclude, but your friends might be finding that being with you is a bore. If you think this applies to you, then you must do something about it now, before people start avoiding you at the lunch pantry or making up excuses not to sit with you on the booze table.

Humor is one’s capacity to bring about feelings of merriment in other people. It is a well-entrenched aspect of entertainment and communication and is very normal to everyday life. A person with a great sense of humor can laugh by himself and elicit laughter from other people by using, among others, one’s experience, everyday situations, and funny devices as objects.

A person exhibiting a great sense of humor is usually a fun person to be with. Sharing funny jokes and lifting the mood in any gathering serve as trademarks of those with fantastic jest meters. This is why more people prefer to be in their company. Anybody who welcomes the break from boredom and who craves for respite from the daily hustle and bustle of life will do well to nurture a great sense of humor.

While a sense of humor can provide an aura of fellowship and sociability most of the time, it can, however, displace some people, particularly the sensitive ones, when not properly presented or manifested.

Feeling Tickled!!

A little over 4 years ago, I had no idea what size zero was, and I certainly didn’t know size/shape/figure will become such a big phenomenon.
Well! thought aerobics was a perfect antidote to extra carbs, energetic, colorful, and the little bit of glam you need to brighten up your day without hurting your wallet! But the glam didn’t last longer as I had 2 travel to LUCK’NO (read Lucknow ). I didn’t really know where I was heading to as I have put on 6kgs in 6months which is horrifying.
Before it gets too late that I realize what it takes to shed those extra kilos, I’ve tried my luck in cycling, baddy n a li’l of tennis , hoping that something would finally work out for me.
Believe it or not it is running @ the ULTRA Oval track ;) that helped. Starting a regular running habit could mean a longer — and more comfortable. It been close to a week and I already feel tickled and lite :P (I ain’t trying to show off :) )

GUYS! PRETTY SWEET, HUH?

Like many gals, I get along better with dudes than I do with girls/chicks/babes/broads/dolls. This is because dudes are chill. Don't get me wrong- dudes are mad flawed, and I often hate them, but they generally shun cattiness, dramz, resentment, competition, and other such negativity (which rules). I have observed many a bromance in my time, and they're always so sweet!

BUT....
Very recently did I realize that all the Guys aren’t sweet. At times they are the cause of pain ,anger frustration n....

MULTI COLORED TUNIC TOP

In real life, I probably wouldn't wear this as a mini -dress (as shown in the photo) , since it's so short that it would give the world way too many unwanted peeks at the crotch of my stockings. I am presently unsure as to how this piece can be utilized to its Full Coolness Potential, though I know it'll do just fine paired with the tried, tested & true combo of skinny jeans and ballet flats come beautiful, beautiful summertime.

Go Crazyyyy

One very gross Monday afternoon a couple days ago, I spent an entire ride to the mall with my hood pulled way far down over my head. Ohhhh I did something totally insane and spent money on a brown dress that looks like this



Well!! It is insane for two reasons 1) i’v decided not to shop but still ended up shopping 2) this would be my 4th dress in brown
But still, I just want to wear this and go around in bare feet. Yes, I want summers. I'm all ready for it

IMAGINARY V'DAY

Last week, I made up imaginary outfits for imaginary dates with imaginary dudes. Because I am alone during V-Day Week and want to delude myself into feeling better .Since this task was such an exercise in self-indulgence to begin with, I decided to pull out all the stops and make my dream date outfits out of crazy-expensive shit….
Flower Bouquets, Teddies, Godiva, CHANEL …. Dint turn me on, coz there was something missing in the air.
Let's try not to think too hard about the fact that, instead of going out on hot dates, I sit around and watch movies on my laptop. Am I a loser? Don think so :)