On Women’s day, herez Something for all the women and may be for the men who are a sport :P....
We all wish we could have that fairy tale relationship, where we indeed live happily ever after. One of the biggest problems with relationships is it takes time to determine if it’s real or not. Your view on the relationship may not necessarily be the same view as the man you’re going out with. You may be in love and for him it may be a simple case of lust or an opportunity to take advantage of you.
I say that you should never give your heart to anyone who has not earned it. I stand behind those words. If you are not careful you could find yourself giving away much more than just your heart to the wrong guy.
We all know that the heart can be broken and over time it will heal. However, women have been known to allow the wrong men to put them into bankruptcy or worse positions. This type of situation can take a longer time to heal and can cause headaches for years to come. Long after you rid yourself of his sorry ass, you’ll still have to deal with his aftermath. So why don’t we take a close look at “How to know if he’s just using you”, hopefully this will keep some of you safe at least from men who just want to take advantage of you.
To begin with all relationships should be 50/50. That to me says that whatever you do for him, he should not only be willing, but capable of doing the same for you. That covers everything from bringing you lunch at work if you cannot leave your desk because you’re so busy. Women do this for men all the time and think nothing of diving across town to take your man something to eat. However, how many of you ladies have a man that does that for you? Not just in the beginning of the relationship when he was trying to impress you with kindness, but now ten months later?
He constantly tells you that he doesn’t have time but his cell phone is always on. However, if it does get turned off, he conveniently shows up at your house and after a marathon love making session he talks you and explains it to you the reasons why he couldn’t call you. However, this type of guy always makes plans to spend time with you and for whatever reason he calls to tell you he cannot make it, or that he fell asleep or some other lame excuse. . This is the so called ONE who stops by once a week or so with a million and one excuse about why he hasn’t been by or called you. After telling you another lie, his charm and smile disarm you and sweet talk you into bed yet once again. Once he’s done because he damn sure doesn’t care if it’s satisfying for you, he’ll tell you another good lie, promising to call you when he gets home (which he won’t) or he’ll come take you some where tomorrow (another good lie). Hey, but what does he care? He got what he came for and he knows that you’ll be angry for a few days when he doesn’t show up or call you. But you’ll be happy when he pops up again and forget why you were mad in the first place. He’ll continue to make you feel good with his great story telling, talk you into bed again and be off to who knows where. When you really get mad at him he’ll concede and maybe take you to a movie or McDonald’s. Then it’s back to your place to hit the sack and then he’s gone again. This pattern will continue until you put a stop to it by replacing him in his absence.
If he doesn’t open doors for you, carry things for you, fix things for you, consistently make sure you’re satisfied both in and out of bed, chances are he’s really not in love with you even though he says that he loves you. If you are not his first priority then he is not in love with you. However that doesn’t mean you cannot get there, it just means that there is a chance that when he does reach this point, you may no longer be in love with him. Life is funny this way; we generally discover we are in love with someone when it’s too late. Love is consistency, it’s not whenever we choose, it always or not at all.
Women have the same needs, wants and desires as men do. Unfortunately men are able to separate sex and love in their minds. For men sex at times is simply a release an enjoyable one at that and to be honest at times it doesn’t matter if it’s you or your girlfriend that assists in him obtaining that release. Having sex with a man will not make him love you, and women have been falling for this trick for centuries. He loves with his head first (the one on his shoulders) and his heart second. If he see an opportunity to have sex with you because you have made it known that you really like him, he may take the opportunity to achieve a release but in the end that’s all it is. What most women fail to understand is that when you make yourself readily available to the whims of a man you fancy he cannot respect you because his real fear is that he is not the first or the last that you’ve slept with simply because you thought you liked the way he looked or carried himself.
To forgive is divine. To continue forgiving when the pattern of lying, cheating, stealing and abuse does not change is insane. However, there is a point we need to realize that they will not change and the situation for us to continue to forgive is becoming unhealthy. Each situation is different, but we as adults need to be able to look at our mates actions and grade them honestly. If the future looks more like the past then it’s time to move on. Spending your nights laying in bed crying yourself to sleep, or being unable to eat because of the actions of someone whom professes their love for you is not worth the heartache you suffer.
As women you are always going to be known as being caring, trusting, understanding creatures. There is nothing that says that you cannot also be safety conscience. Protect yourself and make dating a good experience even when it fails, learn something from each and every man you go out with so you never make the same mistake twice. History is filled with stories of women whom have fallen victim to men who have used them into the poor house. I’m sure some of you know firsthand of stories of lies and deceit that ended in tragedy. Be careful and protect yourself. Always remember this, “if it seems like he’s using you, and you feel like he’s using you. You’re being used!” Save yourself the headaches and drama and seek out adult relationships with men, not boys. Men who are capable of taking care of you on the same level you will take care of him.
Don’t waste your precious time on anyone whom cannot take care of himself or refuses to take care of you. If you feel you need to have someone around you at all times and you hate being alone, get a cat or a dog for company. Dogs are great; they could teach men a lot about what all women deserve, unconditional love!
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