HICCUPS!!

Many a times we come cross woman and a man who have turned their backs on one another in anger. The man stands with has his arms crossed over his chest, scowling and looking very stubborn. The seated woman seems more upset than angry. This is an obvious case of conflict. It can represent a disagreement, an argument, a misunderstanding, a clash, a difference of opinion, not seeing eye-to-eye, and opposing points of view. There’s also an obvious lack of communication showing in this, so I’d say it can also represent a standoff, holding out until one’s needs or desires are met, giving or getting the cold shoulder treatment, or a reluctance to talk things out to resolve a situation. I bet this would have happened with almost everyone around. And eh I myself is one among them too :)

Usually I share with my close friends many other things about myself like who I really am and how different I am from the first impression the world makes of me. I wouldn’t say it unless I mean it.I have always made myself clear as much as possible and people still misunderstood me! And that’s why I am sitting here all by myself, writing and wiping away the teardrops falling from my eyes on my lappy. It’s unbelievable how a misunderstanding that is worth not even a speck of dirt from my shoe could wipe off a broad and blushing smile that was worth the titanic. I don’t see why I have to go through these sorrowful moments in life when I don’t even know why I’m here? Living a life! Am I here to make guys get misunderstood? Am I here to bear the loss of friends and all the misery in the world? Why am I here? And then what surprises me even more is that God made survival a human instinct! So, that makes me scared of death!

I wish wishes came true! Then I would be with my someone and have all I want! You know, it’s a nice thought and it brings a half smile on my face (one of those that Mona Lisa has?) But, it brings me back to reality. I tried avoiding tiffs and still went through it. It wasn’t my fault even! Just a little misunderstanding.

Misunderstandings always break things.

My friends and I don’t get enough time to spend together. Now I have more reasons to cry. I got up this morning with a smile. One of those charming, broad, blushing smiles that go from one cheek bone, all around your forehead to the other! And all it took to rub it off was a misunderstanding? It reminds me of John Newton’s famous line, “I once was lost but now I’m found,”And to top it all, I’m just supposed to cry myself to sleep! I’m supposed to be proactive. I am not supposed to rub off my bad mood on others! I feel like running away to a far off land where people are considerate. Where people are nice. Where I’ll find my clone.

Some day I will look back and say…”whoa… I had a great life”. I don’t know if others get that feeling of security! But, I don’t and I want to.
I would like to quote few lines of Collins’ misunderstanding which aptly describes the latest misunderstanding I had with one of my friends

“Well I'd been waiting for this weekend,
I thought that maybe we could see a show,
Never dreamed I'd have this feeling,
But seeing you is believing,
That's why I don't know why,
You didn't show up that night,
There must be some misunderstanding,
There must be some kind of mistake,
I was waiting in the rain for hours,
You were late” –Phill Collins

People would ask “what help does sitting all by yourself and brooding away do?” I don’t know… it helps me calm down. But, you know what? I’d rather not calm down. When I calm down, I feel weak. Like I had lost in the battle of life and I am not weak! I am not weak. In fact I’m strong. I’m taking the load of something I didn’t mean to happen. That’s why I am sitting all by myself and brooding away. I wish I could just lie down and let the stars and the moon suck out all the pain like a suction pump that sucks out all the dirt from the hole in the sink. And when I’d get up, I’d be happy, serene, calm, satisfied and have that feeling of wanting to live life even without a purpose. I could wish all I want, but t won’t happen. I could dream all I want, but that misunderstanding will still not go away. It will linger around me like a fly around a candle. And me? I will burn, burn all my anger out. How? By living my unfair life!