A note from Ms Unreasonable

Oh dear sweet love of mine!
Unreasonable I am, many a time.
Angry upon expectations unmet.
Notwithstanding your predicament.
But a woman I am, stereotypical or no.
Unreasonableness is my innate woe.


Oh dear sweet love of mine!
Unreasonable I am, many a time.
It is now that I need that elusive patience.
When I'm being so silly! Why the aggression?
When you know I'm in the unreasonable bout,
It's time for a bear hug, a stroll, some talk.

So smile and tell me "Cheer up silly! I love you!"

Yours lovingly,
Ms Unreasonable

It happened Jus the other day......

Truly Fictitious.....

She didn’t like pain. She was never one for those morbid, gory movies. Hell, she watched cartoons all her life! They encouraged her to watch such nonviolent things. She had a panic attack when she first saw her friends break-up .She was one for free, happy living. Do no harm to others, peace, et all.
The first time she met him was at an inter-college competition. When he made his appearance by her side. "You know something? There's nothing more I would like to do now than remove my shoes and my tie and run barefoot on the beach, away from this maddening crowd," she exclaimed.

That was the start of their crazy romance. Between two individuals who shared so much and differed so little. Being with him liberated her. It liberated her from her fears, her insecurities and comforted her in a way no other relationship had before. He was the perfect partner - he mirrored her thoughts, her opinions, likes and dislikes and made up for all her own flaws. They shared a love for food,sports, and writing. They were aggressive, creative, successful and brilliant. Her troubled graduation days, deep complexes and fears drove her to seek success. He was a reflection of her, but without those trappings. He complemented her, strengthened her and completed her.

The journey with him was more like a dizzying, wild ride. They did everything together, everything she had ever dreamed of doing. They had serious discussions under trees on park benches, they made out in dark movie theaters, they rolled with laughter on the worst possible jokes, they exchanged secret, loving glances across rooms; there was no end to the music of their love, to which they alone played the tunes.

She was in love for the first time - wildly, insanely, passionately and completely.

By living in their own sweet world, they were probably a lot happier. One month's up and they were not sure if they were supposed to be happy or sad about that. But in this one month, some things have become standardized - an unfailing routine that makes the adrenaline rush to your brain in the morning and puts you in autopilot for the rest of the day. He was in a black mood when he came to her few days ago. While he was happy to spend time with her without the constant prickling sensation of seconds ticking away to exam time, he seemed to be quite nervous. Very soon the things turned bitter for them.

It is a world of inadequacy. Nothing we do is ever enough. Someone is always ahead of you. Wealthier, smarter, kinder, of superior community, blah blah on and on. You are at best second. Always, if you are first today, history will overtake you tomorrow.

She had been sitting in her room without work, loitering in the walkway, the feeling of wind slapping against her face, nervously hoping she could blend in with the surroundings and he seemed rather sympathetic towards her situation. He looked thoughtful and being insisted a couple of times, he blabbered on about their problems concerning their family, personal life, commitment and finally the words that gritted through his teeth, “I am Sorry” . She looked at him shrinking further and further into the bed, puzzled. She opened and shut her mouth like a fish."But I did not want to," she muttered to herself and tears rolled down her cheeks.
He made suitable sympathetic noises and explained .Looking at him enervated her and she was half torn; she shuddered again and continued looking sad. She seemed to have made up her mind that it was all hopeless- he was crazy and she was determined not to let anyone snatch away that misery.

He told her how much he loved her; she nodded and tried to glare at him at the same time. She stared at him for a long with zillions of things running in her mind and suddenly she knew what had happened. That was wrong. It was all wrong. “You are one of the few people in this world who are genuine, why you doing this to me?” she yawped.
He looked to her in panic. “I wasn’t afraid of fighting for you, I wanted you to be respected by everyone in the family. I didn't want to marry some girl my mother had picked , I didn't want to pretend I had everything in my life when I never had anything I wanted. I didn't want to go through a marriage that would tie me down to the very things I always wished to run away from....,” he vent out his feelings and left the room.

He stared from the side door to her. Back and forth. And made his decision:).
At the end of the day's fuss, she threw herself down on the floor, unmindful of the brown patches on the back of her shorts, gulping water.
Now that one hurdle was crossed, she mulled over the hurdles to come……

Infinitely absurd

Before you race ya mind, wanna let you know that this post has no resemblance to the reality


I dunno if you remember, you once told me you cared. But now I see the truth in your eyes. It always has been like if I was never even there. Now All I hear now is your lies. I felt that you and I were also close but now it seems we've drifted afar. Now your true self shows. You have left me alone with this single scar. You have left me in the cold, all alone and afraid for no reasons of mine.I’ve shed these tears for you though it has never mattered to you. I see you're off with my heart full of pain. For you have made me but a lonely lost soul. All alone with nothing to do, all alone with this pain. There's nothing I could say; I'm slowly dying in vein. Every day since it happened, I have been replaying it in my head. My faith in friendship, trust, and loyalty is dead! Everything that I have spent half my life building has been destroyed. Dreams have been crushed and my sense of self-being has been replaced by hate and vengeance. I've watched you through the bottom of this empty glass -How you've changed. Don't turn around; I don't want you to see this tears. Just leave as quickly as you came; the pain in my eyes is too clear. Make your way toward the door. I’m trying to seem strong; Emotion I'm trying to hide. You brought us here; There's no comfort from having tried. I cannot get close to anyone anymore. And I'll soon be on the mend.

***

Did you ever just sit down with a laptop and have totally no idea what to write about? Well, that seems to be happening to me today. I can think of absolutely nothing to write, but want to write.

Sometimes I have no problem at all, I'll be loitering and all of a sudden I get this idea for an article; I can sit down and bang that out in just a few minutes. Gosh!!, I love those times. Then there are days like today; pissing off, irritating, annoying…. I sit in front of the laptop and stare at that yucky cursor. It just sits there and blinks at me. It's like its taunting me, laughing at me because I have nothing to say. The pressure is unbearable. Blink, Blink, Blink. I suppose I could change it to one of those smiley faces or a chocolate, but then I would have a smiley face or chocolate blinking at me.

Guess it is better to pen down the best ever gift I got last night. Forget about stale old yardsticks from flowers to candy to special brunches. This is a long awaited one. But, really, if there’s no shoving, no tantrums and not even a little trickle of anger, frankly, I’m not interested. If I want to watch a bunch of over-dressed guys being gentlemanly, I’d rather go buy myself a gift from the store with nicest salesmen. At least they have nice plastic smile draped in chivalry drawing some of the real good stuff.

The gift was so thoughtful and unique. It was thoughtful because it made me feel special and made the right impression. Unique coz it is ever-lasting, sentimental and beautiful. Girls love memories and this generous gesture is unmatchable. Incredibly awesome would be an understatement. It reminds me of how much I talk leaving him gazing, shout leaving his ears dangling, crib leaving him snoring, and swear leaving his eyes bulging.

Felt as if It was a powerful set of instincts that were working while selecting the gift, honed by thousands of years of social habit and evolution.That was a perfect recipe of harmony, caring, affection.....

THNX a tonn bud...

A jorney to remember...

Stefan has been somewhat distracted lately by mundane activities of daily living and nagging thoughts. The creative juices have been running a little sluggish and maybe the endless summer heat has been wearing on his nerves. When too much clutter starts polluting his brain, he loses sleep and goes inwards, even more than his usual introverted self.

“Why can't I be one of those disgustingly well-adjusted people who run 10 kms to clear their heads?” he asks himself in dismay.

Clearing his head of internal clutter might need more than this running, but it's a start.In fact, he possess a surprisingly horrible memory and always relied on understanding something inside and out before having any hope of owning that knowledge. Yet, there is so much more to learn and explore and he is not quite sure how and where to find the knowledge he seeks. His insatiable appetite for playing,learning has never ceased. Had there been any competitions, you would find him in the front row, ready for action, guaranteed. Curiosity is something that he is never lacking, and I’ll be the first to admit – he is by no means an expert.

He has been friends with a selective bunch of colleagues at work and Michelle happens to be one of his closest friends.Given his past experiences, I would say this encounter with her really rounded out his perceptions of the Egotist females. While he didn't end up falling as head over heels as everyone thought he might, I would say that he is even more intrigued by her than before.

It was Christmas time and both of them decided to go home for the Halloween.They were supposed to fly down to L.A and board flights to Cincinnati and Boston respectively. They hired a cab to the Airport and after a nice dose of traffic Michelle’s tongue began cramping for a spot of smoothie. Fortunately, they had a spot nearby slotted for a visit called the “Cofi shop”. The “Cofi shop” sits in a mall with not too much outside save their big sign and a one way parking lot. Within, the shop has a very peculiar look with all kinds of well-placed furniture and other interesting pieces. She grabbed a mango smoothie for herself and him a cold coffee. Transporting them without utter destruction was a challenge, especially with those sinister potholes cropping up all over streets lately. He had his coffee via drip, which manifested a bright cup; a good cup but a little bland as well. The coffee was presented with flavor of dark chocolate in front and hints of cream following, but there was also a noticeable amount of bitter char on the end.
The bittersweet chocolate and condensed milk, albeit small hints of bitterness on the back end was amazingly sinful. Her smoothie was loaded with whipped cream, ice cream, crushed ice and blended fresh mangoes to beat the heat.

They reached the airport and she walked out of the cab still putting on her black flats. He carefully held her while she slipped off the floor and her cheeks turned a rosy red color for the second time in less than an hour while talking to him.
They boarded the flight, made themselves comfortable and he attended a call which made her force herself to sleep in the middle of the conversation. Noticing her being cheesed off, he giggled and leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. “Sorry I fell asleep, I can remember ending our conversation abruptly," she stifled a yawn and looked at him sheepishly. “I bet it was just the sleepiness talking. Don't worry,” She forced a brighter smile onto her face and continued. He sighed and let it go. He knew that she was feeling pressured and would be back to normal when she was ready. He smiled at her, picked up his fork, piled the bacon, eggs and pancake onto his plate and dug into his food.

She knew that she's had to tell him about what happened sooner or later. She knew that he could sense her unhappiness. It had always been that way. She relaxed again as she dodged his questioning gaze once again. Post snacks Stefan involved her in an interesting conversation about the “Railway engines and the aircrafts”, she reciprocated well too. He liked kids and was cuddling a cutie pie in the neighboring seat. She held his arms, lied on his shoulder and fell asleep. She loved the way he held her, the caress, warmth, affection was almost unmatched. She woke up, rolled out of seat and stretched lazily. Pulling on the towel, he had set out for her; she went to the toilet, washed her face and made her hair.

They pulled out their cabin bags; he carried both of them and got off the plane. They had to spend that night in airport and catch the one early in the morning .They found a place to rest and she dozed off while he playfully ruffled her head and jowls. She lied down with her head on his lap. Only after three hours did she realize that he was still for such a long time inspite of his legs craving for a stretch. She woke up smiling and looping her arm around his. The air was crisp and fresh. The excitement of going home was building as they cleared the check-in and waiting patiently at the lobby. His heart started pounding knowing that in a few more minutes they would be at the security check for their respective flights.

Drawing back her jet black hair, he realized that it was time for her to leave. He wrapped his arms around her, pulled her closer and hugged her deeply. She drew her arms up around his shoulders and put her nose close to his, looked at him with her big eyes .It was tough for them as they were going for a months vacation .She looked over her shoulder towards the door and saw him. She smiled, waved and suddenly walked back towards him. He reached out for her hand as she continued to walk towards him. Her fingers began to touch his as their reach got closer. Before she could finish her sentence he cupped her face and softly kissed her forehead. She turned her head slowly as the kiss melted into the moment.

Derailed....

She was a girl with full of fun,laughter and energy, atleast from what I’ve known of her.It was hard for people not to envy her.Of late I’ve seen that her world was shattered time and again. She carried so much pain inside that her heart broke and could not mend. Her heart bled and cried for tender love. Her body and mind split apart. Terror filled her soul and heart .She shriveled up inside. She was dying inside. She wrapped up the memories and tears tight and safely tuckled them out of the sight. She knew heartache by day and terror by night.She waited for those hands to brush her aching head. She could neither scream nor fight. She hated herself so very much and began to fear everyone.


“The pain is too much to bear, please hold me close and tight,” she pleaded.

She was knocked back down by the caustic statements but she picked herself up all bloodied and wet. She wasn’t strong enough, was hurt again, yet….

Akka, Bava n the trip

It has been more than two weeks since I am in B’lore and I have not reached the expected level of enthusiasm about the planned summer activities. Akka decided to come over for the weekend and I wanted to make the best of the plans. Bava promised to take us to Mysore on Akka’s perennial plea. The morning we were to leave, I woke up at 6:30 A.M in my own bed with Akka sleeping soundly beside me. I tried to wake her up but she continued to snooze.My right foot was stuck to the sheet, and there was a pillow under my left foot. I yanked my foot loose from the sheet, and sat up on the side of the bed while being careful not to drag. Then I tossed the sheet back over her and fell asleep again. There was someone at the door and only then did I realize that it was 8 A.M and Bava was all geared up for the trip. In no time we got ready, stuffing bava’s backpack with Chocolates, Camera, hair brush (I wish there was Gatorade and granola bars).

Here we are fashionably dressed for the trip. But the white Capri accentuated my burnt leg.
We are seated in the car and waiting for the chauffer to start. Excited talking about what lays ahead for us. We picked up Akbar on our way. Bava, sitting on the couch with tightly laced sneakers on his feet doesn’t seem to be as excited as we were. It was 10:30 in the morning when my stomach began to growl and complains of emptiness. There’s a MTR hotel on the corner of the street. I thought I would break into the hotel, but my stride was smooth as yogurt without the fruit.

After a sumptuous B’fast, we set off to Tippu’s Tomb. When I stepped out of the car, the summer heat enveloped me in an inferno. They say it's a dry heat, but when it gets to 40 degrees it's just plain fucking hot. If you have never been to Mysore in the summer let me help you understand what it feels like. First preheat your oven to 450 degrees. Next open the door and place a small powerful fan directly in front of the oven blowing outward. Take off all your clothes while standing in front of the fan, and rub your exposed skin with sandpaper. (Atleast this is how I felt).Welcome to Mysore!!

Akka seemed to avert her downward gaze as she passed just as Bava tried to move his own eyes elsewhere, anywhere, back to the shimmering walls but the sun didn’t seem resting. A pure smile is what they exchanged. As it got hotter we have decided to get out of there.

As per our chauffer’s suggestion, we have been to the so called “The-Best” restaurant. A middle-aged, curly-haired steward slid open the door. "Can I help you?" he asked. He barely noticed the first few that passed him. An elegant middle aged woman with long brown hair appeared from the hallway, and glanced in my direction. I didn’t heed as the aromas of baked bread, fresh sliced meats, and bleach surround me. Akbar and Akka seemed to be busy with the pretty-yellow flowers on the table (oh eh they were playing the fool around). Bava wasn’t seen in the vicinity of our eye-sight. He just had a mouthful of the grilled fish and left to the waiting area.

Two black leather sofas were pressed against the wall of the tiny waiting area. The walls were a light shade of yellow, and the color scheme made bava feel nauseous. Psychotic patients must feel right at home. He started to sweat profusely, and he was. As perspiration trickles down the side of his face, he was fine after he has thrown up.

Shopping mode kicks in. Akbar and Akka have been to the local internet café to book air tickets. We are off to the local shops. Important need is a gift for Akka. Underlying need – there must be a sale that is pleading to us. “We have just what you need and at the perfect price.” said the shopkeeper of the handicrafts shop pointing towards a beautifully carved dining table. Bava was so carried away with the deal and the table that he was almost ready to shell out 50 grands and get the table. It took lot of effort to hold him back from doing so. After an hour’s search for the gift, we finally manage to get a sandal bookmark and an idol of Lord Ganapati for Akka, wrapped up in the finest of the wrappers available.

We then left to the palace. Huuuuugggeeeeee!!!! hottttttttttttt!!! Is all that could say about the palace and the climate respectively. There were many small local stores around the palace.

What happens when the need is a Gooseberry? You know the kind in those small bins. Bright neon yellows. The kind that taste sweetish-sour. Have the potential to damage on their own accord. Did need play a part in this purchase? Bava thought the smirk on my face made the purchase essential, but postponed.
A zillion thoughts crossed my mind; I’ve never been this way before. Don’t give me flak for them. Felt like a big truckload of shit. Bava could smell that things weren’t the same and kept asking me the reason.

“For your information I’ve been incredibly perfect…..”

“Screw you, I’m the normal one and you’re the freak.”

I could say the former to him but wished to say the latter. The waiting game begins. There is consistency with inconsistency. Bava began the mental exercise during the few blocks it took to walk to the car. The weary anticipation the same on this day as it was when we had a tiff. Akbar drew back, grinning and not in the least bothered. We rushed through Chamundi hills and Nandi hills as Akka had to board the flight @ 10 P.M.

On our way back, lowering sun, full and hot on Bava’s face working in perfect concert with the cool evening breeze crossing him from the side and he felt the warm surge of confidence men feel when they know their goal can be hard. He admired himself and the changes he had made these past few days.
Sitting in the car, I furiously picked up my phone and started calling my friends. He glanced up and seemed to be mildly annoyed by my long duration phone calls. I apologized for interrupting his busy evening.

The traffic on the highway was light at 6:30 in the evening which allowed the chauffer to put the pedal to the floor of the car. Upon reaching cruising speed of 100kmph the valves were making a clattering noise and in less than five minutes it started raining cats and dogs.
Owing to the traffic the chauffer drove very slowly, he kept getting phone calls or messages.

As it was getting late, Akka turned to Bava in complete panic. “Adaptability is crucial” said Bava holding Akka in his arms.
“Make the phone call to Customer care and talk about the ticket” said Bava. A couple of calls got disconnected and another pointlessly frustrating phone call with the customer care guy, pulling huge bills from his pocket with each minute….. "Poof". Akka has lived this rollercoaster on more than one occasion. Finally we could manage to defer the ticket. Thanks to Akbar’s charming smile and cool even in that state of panic which was a like an ice cream on a hot brownie
We have to make a stop at the pharmacy. Akbar and I were passengers on this trip. We needed nothing. This struggle elicits giggles. So now we had giggles, a cancelled flight ticket, a deferred flight ticket, two men and two females – neither more skilled than the other.

We are oblivious to any onlookers. The clumsiness we share has been established in other situations.
Best bet just join the giggling and become part of the rolling mess.
Akka and Bava are a combustible combination.
At last we settled into our seats. Perhaps embarrassment should have taken over. There is this common bond we have that says, "These kinds of things happen to me all the time". The shared knowledge dismisses any unpleasant thoughts and we focus on the delights of the trip.
The much-anticipated trip must come to an end. It is time for us to head to MarthaHalli, return to our respective homes and live life, as we know it. We promise this will be the first of many more to come. We are dropped off at the apartment.